Monday, October 20, 2008

Break up

Eyes open
I lie on my bed...
early morning
and my body is dead...
I don't feel a thing
nor a reason to get up...
A day is to start
and I am already fade up...

What is it you have robed me of ?
What is it you have stolen ?
Why is it that I don't feel a thing ?
am lost for words and am guessing ..!

Was it you ?
or it was me ?
Who killed the dreams
we both wanted to see ?

Wounds have healed...
Scars been left...
It pains no long
to sing those songs
but still I lie
in bed and try
to close my eyes
and dream to fly
away
someplace...
where you dont
have a trace.....

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Good bye

Each day i talk to you
I feel, I am one more day close to
the day I will part with you
and its all Good bye I'll have for you......

Each day I talk to you
I leave these hours behind
that flew with you like a breeze
in the shed of summer Gulmohor trees....

Each day i talk to you
I find the meaning of life
in the mist of the vacuum of universe
as momentarily nothing else did matter....

Each day I talk to you
I cry, because i know
even if I try
I will have to tell you good bye.....

So, each day I talk to you
I wish I could tell you good bye
but after all that we had talked..
I realized that I again forgot
to tell you Good bye.......

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Death

If anything I know for sure
is death hasn't got a cure
So each day I live to know
that one day I'll have to go.....
No, I don't, wanna leave this place
though the truth I gonna have to face
and when I go..., I'll never know
what's next life kept to show.


I write to you - Arunava
I know you will not read this
but for your innocent bliss
your company that we miss
your lazy "Hissss..."

for your friendship so mute
but like the melody of a flute

for your patient ears
that listened to all our tears

for being so good
for elevating everyones mood

for being second to none
for being so quietly gone.........

Arunava, I write to you
wherever you are
Death may not have any cure
but with a heart so pure
you never left us for sure


( written in the memory of Arunava Guhaniogi, my school friend and one of the best person I have known in my life..... who drowned in a lake in the campus of ISI,Indian Statistical Institute, Kolkata in 2001 on a stormy evening.......... i miss you Arunava)

3 Stormy nights

i know her for some time now. i had helped her with some clinical methods before her final MBBS exam.... i heard that she was an intelligent student. thats it........



she passed MBBS in flying colors..... became intern.......



it was friendship day. there was a party in a pub called ELDORADO and after a long gap boring duty hours in the ward me and few of my friends decided to have a good time in the pub....after going there we heard that it was only couples entry.....shit !! we are all happily single and now all that stands between us and happiness is a girlfriend. so embarrassed we pleaded for an entry pass but denied..... so at the end we i decided to call a girl... at 10 pm i called her "hello, Anju.... we have a problem, we have come to a party and its only couples entry..... we have got entry but one of our seniors have been restricted at the gate. will u please help "

"no thanks, we are having a party..." she replied.

we got entry after a lot of pleading, drank like a drum, danced like a wet hen, had a great time. after coming out of the pub at 3 am, i saw that some has tried to rob my bike. my rear glass was broken, dash board smashed, headlight broken.......Rs 7,000/ gone in repair of my bike.



my 1st stormy night.......



long time, no see. forgot about Anju.........................



few months after that i was working in my computers at 2:30 am.... suddenly the phone rang. it was that senior. he was drunk and he asked how was my life.... i wondered how did he remember my life at 2:30 am. after some stray questions he asked me " do u know Anju Ara Begum ? "

Shit...!! is he talking about that friendship day part ? he must be super duper angry and i am in deep shit... and is Anju's name Anju Ara Begum, She is Muslim ???? How the hell i didn't know that...?

"yes i know her, actually what happened was we wanted to............." it took me 1 hr of convincing that it was all for him and we did not tell anyone else..... he told me that there was a word in the town that my senior was rejected by Anju after several requests by him.... i realized that what have i done......... i will have to convince my senior that i meant no harm to him and impress him... and i have to ask sorry to Anju.... she must be also angry at me......



my 2 nd stormy night....



lot of work to do..........



i asked sorry, she said its ok. i said i am really sorry, she said its really ok. i said let me make it up to you, she said no thanks. i said let me really make it up to you.....please, please.....i begged her to forgive me by going out with me for a party. after a lot of perusing and begging she agreed.... we went out for lunch. it was bad food but a good outing. we talked a lot..... it was good to be with a girl after a long time.... i almost forgot that she was Muslim. why is that a big issue ? My father holds a national post in RSS, a Hindu organization.......one that wants a Hindu nation and probably a little less tolerant ( tolerance is for what Hinduism is famous ). my aunts used to tease me that being a son of a RSS/BJP man i will fall for a Muslim girl.... so for jokes sake Muslim was a big no no in the domain of my birdwatch or chick hunt.

she was smart, intelligent and nice to talk to. we became good friends... we still are...

one day she told me that she wanted to give me eid party the day before she goes home for eid.... i said yes in the same breath and waited....

it was Sunday. i had 12 hours of emergency duty and was tired. i was also hungry. it was windy in the evening.... the aura of a stormy night. i called her, my duty is over, are we going for the dinner ? she said that the weather was not very suitable for a bike ride so why not wait to see if the weather improves or not. there was no point waiting....... i had a job to do in the town and i had to go anyways....so i told her to get ready in 2 minutes, i am coming and lets do it....it started to drisel.... i picked her from the hostel and we went to a restorant...it started to rain on the way. "i am getting wet and i don't like it" she said. i replied " how can u get wet, all the drissel is blocked by me....i should be complaining....." we sat, ordred butter nun, chicken afgani and reshmi kabab.( i loved the fact that i was ordering non-veg food as the last girl i had dined with was pure veg, so i had to order either mili-juli sabji or paneer something-something ). we talked about life, AMC, childhood, family, 1st love, 2nd love, favorite and worse moments etc..... we also talked about the stormy night outside that seemed distant from our dining table. after coming out we had realized how stormy that night was as it was ankle length water in the parking lot. it was still lightening in installments and obviously it was raining. we went back. all the way we got wet like anything....in the later part it was simply pouring. left her at hostel... "Bye"...she ran in......

i reached hostel and the voltage was low. i went to bed.... slept tight.

next day morning i woke up to realize that my internet connection was not working. and no it was not the adapter, the modem was gone. Rs 1,875/... then my computer would not start.....UPS was gone, Rs 550..... then the LAN card ...Rs 600. then RAM ...Rs 1700.. finally there was a problem with the motherboard.....Rs 2500.... a part of the hard disk was gone.....cant get that.... my mobile fell in the drain Rs 5000/ and all the numbers in the phone memory were gone....... Now how STORMY is that.....?

thats what a reshmi kabab cost me...... in all the excitement of the eid party i forgot to switch off my computer and internet connection...cant blame a single soul except me.

Anju is a good friend.....or thats what i think of her.... but she is stormy. she is bold, intelligent and windy. i think she is capable of lightening's and rain but those are deeper emotions that i haven't and probably don't want to explore. the fact that i decided to take a ride with her in a stormy weather is more than what i had expected of my self being a Bengali son of a RSS worker who was jailed in the EMERGENCY in 1978 for being a Hindutwa activist. she has the potential to start a storm but i am skeptic if i should go out in the rain again......

i do and will cherish her friendship ..... and all these 3 stormy nights.