Sand in my shoes

I was walking in the sand. Had my shoes in my hand and the pants folded up to the knees. Cold, frothy water of coast playing with my legs. They would come running , touch and sometimes drown my legs only to retreat. Each time they go away they take a part of the sand i stand on. I look back and my footsteps are gone.

I could not stop myself from remembering how i had walked in the sand, hand in hand. Her thin long soft fingers kept on entangling mine. Innocence met flirt. Her body was near perfect, my eyes undressing her with joy and shame. She let it all happen and said nothing but all. She could always read me. I couldn't.

We all move on. We all fall, get up and move on. So did i. But just like the waves, the past comes running, touches and even drowns my soul in the memories of the beautiful things i have lost in my life. Time freezes and i am lost for a moment. And the moment feels like forever.

I came back from the beach. But somethings kept disturbing me. I realised that I has sand in my shoes.

I will always have those sands in my shoes to remind me of those moments.

Good bye Kiss

There was a salty taste in her lips. Probably moistened by her tears. Those thin but rounded cushions of comfort were dancing swiftly in mine, passive aggressive, yet in a rhythm of harmony in which we ware dancing in frozen moment. I could taste her tongue and she could mine. Her upper lip folded as if it was a petel of rose in my mouth only to melt away and slip below my tongue. Then it started playing catch me if you can, and i chased it like my a small boy. I was feeling my much more fuller lower lip in her mouth and did gently let go of it. Before I knew I was feeling her porcelain body with Salvador Dali' curves that was helplessly running away from my hands only to rebound back from the wall behind. I wondered and explored the landscape of my canvas, where i wanted to paint my passion. She had held my head by her hands and they were run amok in my hairs. I let them run knowing every move they made yet surrendering in joy. Her nails scratched my nape and I realised that I can die a million times for such a death. I felt her warm moist breath in my face. It was a liberating gush of damp air she had held inside herself that rushed out when she opened the forbidden window. I could feel her leg in between mine and knew that she was dancing. The song was CASABLANCA. I could hear it.......

"I fell in love with you watching CASABLANCA
back home in the drive and show in flickering light
how cold it cooks beneath the stars........

Hiding in the shadows from the spots
Moroccan moon light in your eyes
making Magic as the Moon is mine....

A kiss is still a kiss in CASABLANCA
A kiss is NOT a kiss without your side....
Please come back to me in CASABLANCA
I love you more and more each day as time goes by.......

I guess there are many broken hearts
in CASABLANCA......
I know its just a big white silver screen
But it hurt just as bad when I had to watch you go.......

A kiss is just a kiss.....
but a kiss is not a kiss.. without your side "

vagus ( medical for vagabound)

Some times i let go and things happen to me..... good things , even better things have happened to me in this way. i don't regret any of those moments when i have let it all go. One such moment was when i said yes to my Professor when he asked me to send an abstract to Chennai, Cardiology Society of India conference..... i thought that let me send, to go or not will be decided later or never, i will simply avoid him. i did send an abstract. it got accepted and here i am in Chennai an a Internet cafe because i have to kill time. the scientific ended at 5 pm and there is a musical program at 7 pm which i don't want to miss. Shankar, Ehsan and Loy are going to perform and it will be a shame to pass on that.

actually i am having a good time for some time now which i am afraid has reached a toxic level. normalcy may turn out to be boring after this..... first i went to health camp in the north bank of Assam where we had to cross the Brahmaputra on a boat and stay for two nights. i was optimally, on the first day and toxicly on the second day under the influence of lady methyl. if fact i almost proposed a girl i barely knew but was surely going to meet in near future, as a student or junior...... i had to confirm who she was from a photograph the next day....
then i went to kolkata with family to attend my cousin sisters marriage. she was always beautiful and we ( at least I ) always knew she will get a good husband.... she did . Arijit is a good looking boy( i know he is married and i should call him man, but that's how he looks) from an old 'bonedi' Bengali family. they have some 52 members living in a haveli type of building in Shobhabazar , kolkata. he looked honest and nice as we ( me, my cousins & the parents of us all )enjoyed the food, fights, the parties, movies, PRPCs (poro ninda poro charcha,meaning bitching and back biting ).

next was kaziranga. APICON Assam chapter, went with my professor, gave a platform presentation and came with the Head of the Department of Neurology. i gave a good presentation and my friends said that i will get the prize money.... i have been i such situations and knew that it hurts if over expectations are killed. it got killed. i was grounded back.
two days after that i started for Chennai. reason, it was a national paper and Brauwnwald E was supposed to come ( whose text book we study). i flew to kolkata and then came to Chennai in Koromondol express. though the train wad travelling south i was travelling north. Afghanistan. Kabul. i was reading Khaled Hosenni's THE KITE RUNNER. read a good book after a long time.... i was standing with Amir and Hussain( the protagonist's of the plot ) all the way..... realizing that not only me but many people are tormented by he past. u think that time heals the scars but its not time but redemption. how u do that is a matter of time..... someday i will be able to do mine.
in Chennai am staying in my uncle's place, who is a asst prof in applied mechanical engineering in IIT Chennai. the campus is huge, part of a national reserve for deers and black buck( the one that Salman Khan had killed and was jailed for ). just reminded me of my friends who used to prepare for IIT when i was busy remembering the scientific names of unusual animals & plants, and the reproductive system of rats or frogs ...... for my medical entrance exam. i did regret my decision when my friends from BE got jobs and i was still in medical school. now having attended the 1st day of the conference (CSI, the one that i have come to attend in Chennai, remember ?) i am not sure if i am at loss. in fact in the present scenario of financial crunch.... the health sector is completely unaffected. and as i see it i am loving it.

hope i get time to sit again very soon.........signing off for the time......chao.